Seven Swords Special Report!
by Royazali
Summary: Things get hectic as Brunette discovers Ocarina's plan to make millions by porting OOT to the 3DS. Young Link wants in on the profits while Seasons just wants to diss Twilight. Dark demands his Doritos and Knight is, well, Knight. Oh, Toony's in here too.


**Think of this as a status update -Zelda Style-**

* * *

Brunette kicked Ocarina in the head.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?-!"

"_This_ you glory hog!" he yelled as he threw down a copy of OOT: 3DS. "What the hell is this all about?-!"

"That's uh…"

By this time they had gained the attention of all the Links in the room.

"Hey, Ocarina, what is that?" asked Young Link.

"Its nothing, really!" He laughed nervously. "Its just-"

"Hey! How come you get a port, huh?" asked Twilight. "That's not fair!"

"Yeah!" agreed Toony. "You've already had ports before! Its _our_ turn!"

"I say we go out back and use Toony's grapple hook to hang the greedy bastard!" declared Brunette.

"Do I get any share in the profits?" asked Young Link. "After all, I am-"

"Hang both of them!"

"Guys, calm down! It wasn't my idea!" yelled Ocarina frantically.

Seasons narrowed his eyes, "Oh yeah? Then who's was it?"

"Dark Link said I should do it."

"Dark?"

Ocarina nodded.

"….Then we should hang all three of them!"

Knight sighed, "And thus another side fic begins…"

"Will you all stop that incessant whining already? Its enough to make any sane person want to kill himself…"

The Links turned towards the source of the voice. Dark Link had appeared out of no where, as usual…

"You!" Brunette glared at him. "Go away, you're not welcome here!"

"And stop it with that random 'teleportation of darkness' thing." added Toony. "Its creepy…"

Dark tilted his head cockily, "Oh? Well if you're frightened, why don't you have your precious seme make you feel better, Broony?"

Brunette clenched his fist angrily while Toony looked confused, "What the _hell _does that mean?-!"

Seasons gave Dark an appreciative nod, "Nice one, Dark."

"Naturally."

"Anyway, why did you have Ocarina make another copy of his game?" asked Twilight.

"Isn't it obvious? The remake on the 3DS will make millions. Its my game too, you know."

"So I have to split the profits between _two_ people?" whined Young Link. "Man, that sucks…"

"Just be happy that you're getting something," said Knight. "Most of us haven't seen a port/remake in years. Myself included."

"Well I've never had one at all…" said Toony sadly.

"That's because nobody likes you," said Dark bluntly.

"Hey! Quit bashing Toony!"

"Whatever you say, Toonette," grinned Dark.

Seasons nodded, "I kind 'a have to agree on Dark with this one. It seems only the most famous or versatile games become ports. Just look at Brunette. He's on four different platforms. Why? Because his game is simple to port seeing as its so old and-"

"Hey! You can diss Twilight's game but not mine, you got that?" said Brunette angrily. "Besides, you have no room to talk Mr. I've only been on one system."

"It was not a system. It was a portable." he said ticked.

Brunette smiled," Exactly."

"Well at least _my _game had better graphics."

"Why you-"

"Yo, if you want to talk graphics, look no further! My game had the best graphics in Zelda history!" boasted Twilight.

"Yeah, that and the easiest play through of all time…" mumbled Seasons.

"Seriously, what is your problem?" asked Twilight.

"You know, I've been wondering about that myself." Young Link turned to face Seasons, "Do you have, I don't know, a grudge against us or something?"

"No."

"But you always seem so negative…"

"Maybe he's related to Dark?" asked Ocarina. "They do sort of act the same…"

"We do not!" they both yelled.

Knight smiled, "Who knows? They could be long lost brothers."

"Really?" Toony's eyes widened. "That would be so cool! Lost brothers, separated at birth, now find each other after a long and arduous journey…"

The Links stared at him in shock.

"Er, what?"

"You know what arduous means?"

He pouted, "That's mean, guys…"

"In any case, I am nothing like Dark. Got it?"

"…yeah…"

"So… Toony's never had a port. What about you, Knight? Ever been on a different system?"

"Well… You could say that I've been on three different systems although I've never had a remake." I smiled fondly. "Wouldn't that be something? A Link to the Past being remade… Or maybe even-" He stopped. "No, that would only bring up bad memories…"

The Links eyed him awkwardly as he gazed off into the distance sadly.

"Hmph, and you said _I _have problems…" mumbled Seasons.

"Well I've been on three systems too!" stated Young Link. "All of which have been platforms!"

"I hate to out shine you, again," said Ocarina, "but I've been on five systems. One of which is a portable."

"Five?-!" yelled Brunette. "What the hell do you do? Sell yourself to every new console that walks by?"

"N-No…"

"Well I'm sick of this," said Twilight. "My game is one of the best Zelda's to date-"

"According to _you-_"

"And I'm only on two consoles. That is totally unfair!"

"I don't mean to ruin our little numbers debate, but…" Knight held up the 3DS. "It says here that Brunette's game is also on this portable."

There was silence for a minute as the Links let that sink in.

"Ah yeah! Who's Mr. Popular now, huh?" Brunette gave Ocarina a grin. "Got ya tied now!"

He forced a smile, not really caring, "Good for you."

"Do you think _I _will get a port too?" asked Toony expectantly.

"Who would ever want to port _your _game, twerp?" asked Dark rudely.

"You know, I think Dark and Seasons really are related…" whispered Young Link.

"Either that or Dark and Brunette," replied Twilight.

"By the way, has anyone heard from Sky?"

The Links all shook their heads. Ever since the E3 unveil, they had heard next to nothing about the new Link other than what they had heard through the Gossip Stones.

"I still say he's a Twilight/Toony baby." said Young Link.

Once again the two Links turned away from each other in embarrassment.

"Well, whatever he's doing, he better hurry up," said Brunette. "I'm getting sick of waiting for this guy to show up."

"I just hope he's not like Twilight…"

The gang sighed as the Link in question started arguing with Seasons.

"So why the hell are you here anyway?" asked Brunette as he turned to face Dark.

"I wanted some Doritos," he said simply. "And wouldn't you know it, there are some right here." Dark reached out and took a bag of Doritos clearly marked 'B's D's: Don't Steal'.

"Cant you read?-! Those are _mine_ you-"

"Thanks again," Dark waved before quickly teleporting away, Doritos in tow.

"Why that little-" Brunette face planted as he got hit from behind by a ball and chain.

"Brunette!" yelled Toony. "Are you alright?"

"Hey! Stop fighting you guys!" Ocarina rushed in-between Twilight and Seasons before they did something stupid again. Both Links had their weapons out and were raring to go. "Knock it off!"

"He started it!" whined Twilight.

"You started it by having a bad game!"

"_Your _game was the bad one!" yelled Young Link. "Twilight's game was brilliant! Unlike _yours_!"

"Defending your seme? Or is he your uke?" Seasons asked darkly.

"That's it! I'm going Fierce Deity on your butt!"

"Young Link, no!" Ocarina tackled the smaller Link to the ground to prevent him from equipping the mask.

"Ack! Get off of me, you pervert!"

"P-Pervert?-!"

"He's only seventeen. Its legal." said Knight formally. All this ruckus was old hat. Nothing really affected him anymore.

"Knight!"

The elder Link sighed, "Fine… Okay, Which would you prefer? The Bombos, Ether, or Quake Medallion?"

Afterwards the Links quickly shut up and stopped fighting.

"So no news on Sky?" asked a beaten and bruised Brunette.

"Nope," sighed Toony. "Nothing…"

"Dammit, my game was not bad!" yelled Twilight sadly. "It wasn't!"

"Just keep telling yourself that…" mumbled Seasons.

"Its okay, Twilight," said Young Link as he patted him on the back. "I still like your game…"

Ocarina frown, "So what exactly was the point of this fan fic, again?"

"Randomness with a hint of Zelda updates?" guessed Knight.

"Works for me."

* * *

**There ya have it. Zelda 3DS is -obviously- having a remake of OOT, and has virtual console/backward compatibility. Be ready North America fans cuz its coming this March! -least that's what they tell me- And no, nothing -major- for Sky, srry.**

**Hasta la Pasta!**


End file.
